Keeping Promises
by Kallamae
Summary: Carth has been waiting four years for Revan to return from the Unknown Regions. When the Exile returns, he hopes to finally know if she's alright. Set during Kotor II.


"You must be so angry." Her voice was deep and serious.

Carth closed his eyes focusing on the words. He had the message memorized, but if he couldn't see the small hologram speaking he could imagine she was there. It was a poor consolation, but better than the emptiness of her absence.

He didn't need to see the transparent blue image to know it was frowning. Even if he hadn't seen it countless times, he could hear it in her voice. The small holocron containing Revan's last message had been his constant companion for nearly four years.

Revan had left it with an unconscious and badly beaten Canderous at the edge of the galaxy. The Mandalorian didn't even speak when he delivered it. Carth remembered how Canderous had set the holocron down heavily on his desk. The brief moment their eyes met showed Carth a reflection of his own emotions. There were no words that could have communicated as much. Canderous felt just as betrayed, perhaps more so. Carth had guessed she would leave him behind, but Canderous had believed she'd take him with her until the very end.

"I had to do it, Carth. There was no other way," her voice continued. "I have to set things right. I'll never be able to forgive myself, to accept your forgiveness until I do." The image of Revan bowed its head.

In his mind, he could see details the hologram could never display. He could see her dark eyes glisten as she fought to control her emotion. He could see the almost imperceptible movement of her lips as she recited the Jedi Code to herself. It must have taken every ounce of strength in her to leave them all behind.

The hologram smiled weakly. "We both know you never would have let me go. But I can't take you with me, not this time. I won't make that mistake again."

She still blamed herself for everything, for Malak's fall, even for Saul's betrayal. No matter how many times he'd tried to convince her that they made their own choices, she still took all their sins as her own. Everything Revan touched that soured, she held close. Any good that she'd done wasn't enough.

"Darkness waits for me and I can't take anyone I love."

The words stung as freshly as they had upon first hearing them years ago. But she was right; he wouldn't have let her leave alone. When he first learned she was gone, he'd tried to be comforted by the idea of Canderous going with her. A bit jealous perhaps, but glad she would have someone to watch out for her. How much harder would it have been if she'd had to abandon him the same way, clinging to a thin thread of life on the edge of known space?

"I do love you, Carth. Don't doubt that." Her voice wavered as she struggle for composure, "I swear I'll come back to you. Whatever it takes."

Carth looked closely at the small image of Revan. Did she have any idea when she recorded the message that she'd be gone for so long? He didn't think so. The gnawing feeling that something had gone wrong grew. Wherever Revan was, she needed help.

"Keep the Republic strong. And let Mandalore rise." Her voice was strong. It was the voice that had commanded armies, the voice that had rallied the wearied Republic troops to victory against the invading Mandalorians and again against Malak. "The war isn't over, yet. It's barely begun."

The chime of the door startled him. The holocron was quickly turned off and tucked safely away.

"Admiral, she's here."

Carth only had a moment to compose himself before General Noor strode into the small office. Even though she was just going by Halyn now, Carth couldn't forget her part in the Mandalorian War. She was called General "No Return" by the troops. Soldiers assigned to her had the highest casualty rates in the Fleet. Revan entrusted her with the feints and distractions through most of the war. Halyn had all the missions that were designed to fail. It was no wonder she'd gone into exile after the war. No other Jedi led so many directly to their deaths. The guilt of command was a difficult burden to carry.

She'd avoided all company for the better part of a decade. But now she was back, returned from the Unknown Regions. Flying the _Ebon Hawk _with Revan's droids was too much for simple coincidence. Carth had spent enough time around the Jedi to believe more in the Force than dumb luck. If anyone knew where Revan was, it was Halyn Noor.

But she didn't. Carth felt another spark of hope die.

"If you find some trace of Revan," he began.

"You want me to tell you where she is," the woman finished. The disgust was thinly veiled. But she couldn't be expected to savor the prospect of being his personal spy. Her allegiance to the Republic was tenuous at best. Her aide to the Republic and remnants of the Jedi Order stemmed from either guilt or some leftover loyalty to Revan.

Still, the offer was tempting, very tempting. But, "No." Carth turned away from the Exile.

From the office window he could see the bustle of Citadel Station. Shuttles were already resuming their constant crawl between modules. Repair teams were assessing the thankfully little damage taken in the battle overhead. Transports and fighters raced around them all. A sigh escaped from his clenched jaw. This was where Revan wanted him to be, where she knew he needed to be. Protecting and rebuilding the Republic. Carth knew he couldn't trust himself to remain if he knew where she was. No matter what the cost, he would follow. And he doubted he would be the only one.

He turned back to face the Exile. She had been waiting patiently for him to speak again. "Simply tell her that Carth Onasi is waiting for her." _That he loves her,_ he added in thought.

Compassion flickered in the woman's blue eyes. The hints of an understanding smile tugged at the corner of her lips. She nodded once and quietly showed herself out.

"Safe journey, Exile." He doubted she heard; his voice was barely above a whisper.

He turned back to the window. The lights of the station drowned out the distant stars making the galaxy appear to be hidden in shadows. Somewhere out in that darkness, Revan wandered. Without the droids, she must be utterly alone. Her whispered name almost became a prayer as he closed his eyes and bowed his head. The cold plating of the window pressed against his forehead. "I've kept my promise. The Republic is healing. And I'm still waiting, still loving you."

Carth opened his eyes to the darkness of the galaxy once more. "Keep your promise now and come back to me. I'm here, Revan. It's been four years. Come home."

In the dark void beyond the edge of the galaxy, Revan stirred. Sharp gravel bit into her hands as she tried to push herself up. She succeeded only in rolling over to face a starless sky. A tentative deep breath confirmed that the healing trance had mended the ribs broken in her long fall.

She hadn't known that dreams could penetrate the depths of a healing trance, but the warm fragments of one clung to her. It was a barrier against the despair of darkness. Perhaps from higher ground she would have been able to see the light of her home galaxy shining through the shadows. She licked her dry lips and smiled. The movement sent flakes of dirt and dried blood falling away from her face. "I'll come back to you, Carth. Soon, I promise."

Revan stretched out the stiffness that had seeped into her muscles and began the long climb back up.


End file.
